The Invisible Wall: Why We Struggle to See Ourselves in Photographs
What Kylie Minogue Taught Me About Portrait Photography
I was watching the Kylie documentary on Netflix recently when she said something that stopped me in my tracks.
"Even though a photograph can capture a moment, can capture a story, it's really hard to see yourself. There's a wall. You can't see it, but there's a divide. And I felt with hers, the invisible wall was gone. And I was looking through Kat's (Katerina Jebb) photographs, and I just thought, wow, I can see me. She was a real saviour to me. And I started to feel good and confident as a woman on my own."
For someone who has spent decades in front of the camera, I found it so refreshing to hear Kylie admit something that so many of my clients tell me before their photoshoot:
"I hate having my photo taken."
"I'm just not photogenic."
"I never like photographs of myself."
It's easy to assume that when people say these things, they're worried about how they look. But after photographing women for almost two decades, I've realised it's rarely about that at all.
I think it's because it's really hard to see yourself.
We spend our lives looking out at the world rather than back at ourselves. We're so used to seeing our reflection in passing or scrutinising ourselves in the mirror that we forget other people see something completely different. Add in insecurities, societal expectations and the pressure to look a certain way in photographs, and suddenly the camera can feel like a very uncomfortable place to be.
Kylie describes an "invisible wall" between ourselves and the photograph. I love that description because it's exactly what I see happen during a photoshoot.
That invisible wall is the voice in your head telling you you're awkward in front of the camera. It's wondering what to do with your hands. It's worrying about your smile, your body or whether you've aged. It's believing that everyone else photographs beautifully except you.
The truth is, that wall exists for almost everyone.
A photograph can capture a moment and tell a story, but it doesn't automatically mean you'll recognise yourself in it.
My favourite part of Kylie's quote isn't when she says she felt confident. It's the moment she says:
"Wow, I can see me."
Not, "I look beautiful."
Not, "I've never looked thinner."
Not, "I wish I looked like that every day."
Simply, "I can see me."
That, to me, is what portrait photography should be about.
Whether I'm photographing a mother wanting to celebrate this season of life, a woman rediscovering herself after becoming a parent, a business owner building her brand or someone simply wanting to exist in photographs for the people she loves, my goal is never to create a version of you that doesn't exist.
It's to help you see the version that has always been there.
The confidence comes afterwards. It isn't something you need to bring with you to your photoshoot. Confidence is often what happens when that invisible wall begins to disappear.
I've had clients laugh, cry and stare quietly at their gallery because they've seen something they weren't expecting. Not because they looked glamorous or because I'd somehow made them look like somebody else, but because they recognised themselves.
And perhaps that's the greatest gift photography can give us.
Not perfect photographs.
Not flawless skin.
Not the most flattering angle.
Just the simple and powerful feeling of looking at an image and thinking:
"Wow, I can see me."
If you've ever thought you're not photogenic or that you'll wait until you've lost weight, feel more confident or become the person you think you should be before stepping in front of the camera, I hope you'll remember Kylie's words.
It's really hard to see yourself.
Sometimes, all you need is someone to hold up the mirror.
If you've spent years hiding from the camera, waiting until you feel more confident or believing you're simply "not photogenic", perhaps it's not that you don't photograph well at all.
Perhaps you've just never seen yourself through the right lens.
You deserve photographs that feel like you. Photographs that tell your story and allow you to recognise the woman looking back at you.
If you're ready to step in front of the camera, I'd love to help you discover what Kylie described so perfectly:
"Wow, I can see me."
Explore my portrait sessions or get in touch to start planning your experience.
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